STACY

hey its been a long time since i have been on here. so lets see how is my life right now? it sucks!!! As you know i am a single parent and that sucks financially , physically and emotionally. people around me are so wrapped up in their lives that they dont realize how hard i have been fighting against my depression. i dont think they even know i am depressed. shit even i didnt know till my primary doctor who sees me twice a year asked me about it. but i refuse to stay depressed and i dont believe in taking medications like that. i just want to let someone know so i chose you guys cause i know you wont judge me. more than half probably have the same problems as i do they just deal differently.
it started maybe 2 years ago . my position at work was eliminated so i am now a cashier. i dont mind working i love working, but not as much as i love the few hours i get to spend with my growing girl. even though i work 40 hours a week it never seemed enough. so i got a second job and hated the fact that i couldnt see my child for more than maybe 2 hours a week between going and coming from both jobs. i tried going back to school but i really dont have the attention span for it. so i decided to just stretch my dollars and cut down my expenses. sounds great right . 401k is great right. WRONG. i lost all my money in the 401k to the safe stocks the company provided for us. so there went all the extra money i had.
then to top it off winter came my gas bills went up . my child decided to grow 3 inches and she needed new uniforms . there was no heat at work so i had to layer up my clothing which meant twice the amount of laundry. Then of course came the Pneummonia that was 2 weeks feeliing like i was dieing . bills just kept piling up . as all this was happening i sunk deeper and deeper and people just didnt realize it. i didnt realize it.
so here i am today. broke , on the verge of becoming homeless,$2000 in debt, and depressed. i dont qualify for any sort of assistance believe me i tried. my credit is shot once again. and all i can do right now is blog because as hard as i try nothing seems to work or help. get another job? i tried that once again unfortunately no one is hiring even part time around here. my bills include necessary generic couponed on sale food because its all i can afford( so i can pay for my daughter to have her hot school lunches), gas and electric, heat and hot water, bus card, and rent. this is all we have . i feel bad because i cant even buy my daughter clothes and she is growing so much. she is 11 years old and already 5foot 2inches. i keep mending my clothes but lets face the facts i look like a vagabond most days .
i have been trying to do work online . you know those survey things just to spend more time at home . and doing little odd jobs like cooking for people and cleaning for old ladies. its just never enough. i am so tired . i have tried and tried . i dont want to go backwards . never backwards always foward. wish there was a magic money fairy as my daughter puts it. so thanks for reading. keep me in your prayers. and stay forever blessed . i will try to be back soon.