― I surprisingly can't find greeting cards that capture my moments. I could just buy whatever's there whether or not it's a crock, but have a hard time doing that. Instead I find myself standing for hours trying to pick one that isn't total B.S. and still won't offend the intended recipient. ∙ Since the first time I shopped for a birthday card to send Illz in jail, I realized they don't print messages adequately addressing my life. The only birthday cards I find talk about what a proud [...].