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Along with alot of fanfare, security and many snarly women; "Victoria's Secret" finally opened their doors at West Edmonton Mall this past week. The first 4days were so insane; it made the nightly news. There were line ups outisde the store and line ups inside to get into the skivies.
My girlfriend(whom we'll call Linda) and I were smart; we waited until the stampeding was done...a mere 6 days later. Thanks to all the hype both of us were excited to hit this glorified sex kitten apparel "boutique". We oooed and aaaahed at the store's set up and sexy undies and immediately began our search for leopard print bras and panties for Linda. She was armed with her Mastercard and was fully intending on leaving the store with something "a la leopard" to impress her man later on that night.
Linda is 5'7", toned/athletic with not jiggly or wabbly bits. She wears a LARGE in panties/thongs and 38C in bras; she is by NO means obese. We are informed by a stick bug sales girl that the "large sizes are in the bottom drawers because the smaller sizes go first" Not detered we root thru ALL the bras/panties/thongs in the entire store...we find 1 black bra, 1 leopard thong and a leopard brazilian panty. Yet, we notice that there are in fact millions of the "smaller sizes" just laying around waiting to be adopted.*smaller sizes to first, heh? Yeh whatever ou say crazy, anorerix lady*
Linda happily goes and stands in the line up to try on her goodies; as I continue trolling thru the store looking for some comfy work out gear. My cell phone rings; it's Linda...she needs me in the changing room, NOW! I hightail it over and am granted entry(with my stroller because the fitting rooms are huge) Linda is in tears-the bra does NOT fit...the cups are way too small and the band is pinching...they apparently don't carry any bigger sizes(than 38C) I try to be positive and point out that the panties fit...it's of no avail. I exit the changing room and look for a "healthy" looking sales clerk whome gracious informs me that their sizing is based on the average AMERICAIN woman. I nearl laugh because I vaguely remember a 20/20 that "informed" the world that the USA is in the mist of an obesity epidemic....so how can these women fit in a 38C? Linda, who can probably crack a walnut with her abs does NOT fit in it....there's something askew there.
I return to the changing room and tell Linda my the latest...she's aghast then enraged. Even though deeply offended; she buys the panties/thongs-37$ later we're in La Senza where a 38C leopard print bra(which matches her Vic Secret skivvies) fits her perfectly.
I think we've figured out "Victoria's Secret" she's a lying anorexic b*#$@...sssshhhh, don't tell the fatties in the USA.
Bruno Rodrigues says 647 days ago