im a young man who thinks outside the box
on thanksgiving i spent my 17th thanksgiving without my father. that summer of 1995 might have been the worse summer of my life when i lost my father to his battle with brain cancer. i wish he had died when i was older not when i was just 4years old. being a four year old in a funeral home had no affect on little me. i was four i didnt know what was going on. all i remember was people crying my father laying in a big box looking like he was taking a nap and my mother crying. i didnt know he wouldnt be coming back. it hit me when i was in the 6th grade 3 months before i graduated we had to do a paper on our family members in a family tree project everybody comes in with these huge cardboard cut outs and their family all over from their grandparents who are still around both mom and dad and it was cool seeing them go up to the class talking briefly about their family. when it was my turn i had pictures of my grandparents but only had something to say about my grandmother because she was the one raising me at the time. then when i talked about my father i told them my father went away in a box to take a nap but i dont know when hes coming back. the class started laughing at me when i said this. the teacher told me in a mean way "yo bro your father is dead man hes not taking no nap" i stood their with this puzzled look on my face not knowing what death really was my mom told me i will meet my father at the gates when its my time. i never understood what that ment. but i stop my presentation and went back to my seat for the whole day i didnt say anything to anyone i didnt even eat at lunch i didnt play with the kids outside i just sat down thinking my father is never coming back. throughtout life i went without my father and being raised by my grandmother. (my god rest her soul) as a father figure to me. if my father was alive today he would be proud of me. he has a son who never gave up on nothing, didnt turn out like my older brother graduated highschool and soon to graduate college and grow up to have a great life career and raise a great family. where ever he is he is proud. its hard growing up without a father. my brother and sister stil have theirs and here i am with just my mom shes all i have left if shes gone i dont think i can go one with life. watching movies with kids having their father and the bullshit story of the american dream. well the american dream can kiss my ass why they dont talk about the single mother dream raising 3 kids and one of your kids has an anger issue and doesnt really speak about it living in a neighborhood with drugs killing and a bunch on people on welfare. they never talk about that but i lok up to my mom and now that im 21 alive and living like a man i know my father is proud not many people get to see my age where im from seeing 21 is like graduating highschool and college. but i thank my mother for all those ass whiping and her working long nights trying to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table i thank her for that. i just wish i had more memories of my father like everyone else. it gets me anger when people tell me " o do you remember when your father did this and that" im saying to my self "NO BITCH I DONT REMEMBER I WAS ONLY FOUR YEARS OLD WHO DO YOU THINK I AM ALBERT EINSTEIN" i just smile and say ya i remember. i just wish i had the chance to tell you i love you and i wont let you down. since i cant see you to tell you im gonna tell you now. i love you pops your legacy lives on rest in peace eldra ray davis.
im not against gays but having a gay roommate is acqured. having to see him everyday sleeping in a room with him in it doesnt feel comfortable. i know i shouldnt make front of gays but from what people tell me about him makes me feel as if he will try to make a move on me hile im sleep or on my drunk days. i feel that this is the reason why im not the same person i used to be on campus. i have gay family memebrs and know a few gay people here but making a new friend thats gay doesnt feel right and i feel that i have to leave my current situation because of it.
everyone has a past everyone has a future just some people pass will affect their future. i know a lot of people who have done a lot of things in their pass but that can shape their future. real shit
lol females complain about niggas playin 2k but no one complain about ya watchin bad girls club thinkin ya some bad bitches or love and hip hop talkin out mimi n how stevie j plays her when ya boyfriend plays ya justl ike her but ya judge her lol. no one says nothin when ya be talkin bout 50 shades of grey like for real lol or no one say nothin when ya think ya some modles most are wanna be modles like let niggas be i know niggas went over borad with the standin on line shi but fuck it atleast niggas is stayin outta trouble and not in the streets be happy niggas is payin attention to their game instead of the streets. and i think some of ya mad cause the nigga ya was talkin to curved ya or stop textin you because of it lol o well shit happens. ya stand on line for kicks like let niggas be sheshh lol. im not sayin all females but a lot are mad they dont have a boo or man to buy it for lol ya lost. so those females who dont give a fuck wat they man do as long as they man doin wat he gotta do stayin faithful and usin his time on u n a game clap clap for ya.. for u bitter mad ones thats mad cause you cant play 2k or niggas who was on ya dick aint on ya dick then smh at ya lol.. and oo ya dont be happy now cause call of duty comes out in november so its really lookin slow for ya cuffin season lmaooooo some of ya gon be side hoes like ya was in the summer tuff luck guess love dont live where u at no more lmaooooo im dont good night
some people wont understand me. some people couldnt even walk in my shoes. seeing a councelour about my built up anger isnt goingto help become a better person. i am who god want me to be if we all are the same there wouldnt be any fun in the world. its either your gonna accept me for who i am or just get the fuck out my life. we are born alone and we will die alone thats just life.